We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My vagina is very pro this idea
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
