tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
3pm strippers are depressing
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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