literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
