apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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