Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
