So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
