Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
