that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
