New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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