bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
