im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
