I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
