i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
