she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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