Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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