If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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