It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
