We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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