i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
