Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
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