Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
