I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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