Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
