Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
