Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
