Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Found the puke drawer
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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