You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
