I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
This house was built for laser tag.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
