My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
