He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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