I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i would punch a child for taco bell
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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