My Higher Power is John Stamos
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Boobs are out for the taking
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
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