Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
