My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The power of my boobs compel you
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
