wat bout pragnant strippers??
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
