I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
