so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He did a backflip because drugs
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