Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
