dude i'm inner monologue high
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
