so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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