if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
