Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He better not be in your backpack
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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