ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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