it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
