You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
