I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It's never too late to be topless.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
