u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
