office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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