Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
