So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
