3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
