I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
