i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
