he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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