there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
