we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
