So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize