Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
