wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
