I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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