one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
