I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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