Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
