I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
