The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
