I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
