Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Your penis caused this!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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