he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
