did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
