My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
