I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
