update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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